I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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