He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
