I want to walk on stilts...naked
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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