census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
