Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
