people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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