I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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