Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
