look no pants
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
