I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
