My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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