god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
please don't ironically join a cult
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