As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
