I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
