I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
