They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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