I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize