yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
