I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
