i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just google imaged poop.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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