Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
