There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize