happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We named our party play list daddy issues
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
