I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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