Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
