Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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