Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
