New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
