I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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