I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Randomize
