I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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