i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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