I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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