Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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