At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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