We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
