obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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