she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
