respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
