Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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