You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
