It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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