Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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