Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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