Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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