Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
