I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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