It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
