He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
