Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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