Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What a dumb baby whore.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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