I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
