I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
