We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
