Cold hands, warm shart.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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