I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
