Only a mothe r could love this liver
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
