Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
