im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh god it's open bar.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize