I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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