When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize