I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize