OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
