I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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