Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
