i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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