Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
