Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
