Sry I called you an 8
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
