I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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