There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
