Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
