You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
