I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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