Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize