i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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